It's all about red.

SEPTEMBER 7th, 2012
2154 HOURS

Holaa fellow lovers, readers and bloggers. It's Friday for goodness sake. Left for a day two now I'm here in the land of Sarawak. This Sunday, I'll be goin' to Kuantan with big bro. The class will start on Monday. Ahhhh. Great. So great. 

Here are several of the photos I took in the evening just now. Hew hew. 
I love my new hair color.
Red awesome red.

Have an awesome day loves :) 

officially by stemmy stemot :)

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Burgundy red for September

SEPTEMBER 6th, 2012
2006 HOURS

Hello my readers and fellow bloggers. As for today's entry, I just wanna say that I managed to dye my hair burgundy red :) But seriously, it wasn't that obvious and not too red in a sense. Not the same as my previous hair color. Whatever it is, thank you Burgundy Red 
I love you.

Ignore the silly face there. I just love doing those silly fuck face. Hahahaha. It's just about the hair.

No one care and I don't care. Hew hew hew.

officially by stemmy stemot :)

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SEPTEMBER 5th, 2012
1803 HOURS

I'm gettin' addicted in taking photos and here it is. 
Touch up on the face.
Using makeup. Hahahaha.

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For the last time

SEPTEMBER 4th, 2012
1837 HOURS

Helloo fellow readers, viewers and bloggers :) It is Sept 4th today and left 2 more months for my 20th birthday. Wehuuuuuweee. Hahaha. Okay. For this entry now, it is all about Richie. Well, we hang out for the last time yesterday 'cause he went off to Kuching last night and left me here. 

Sob sob sob *sniff*

We hang out just for an hour at the beach. Oh well that was enough then for me. At least we did hang out for the last time. At first, he tend to bring me to the nearest place to dine together but I rejected the offer. I rather just sit and relax and just do nothing and not to spent too much $$. Well, it was his $$ though not mine. That's why it's better to keep it low in budget right ? And so, we went to look for the nearest shop and there we found one store nearest to the Sing Kwong supermarket. He went out of the car and went inside the store. While waiting for him to come back, I tuned on the music and there it was the song of awesome-ness entitled " I won't give up " by Jason Mraz. Quite a coincidence then. I sang along to the lyrics and when it comes to the chorus part, he came back in the car and gave me the plastic containing 2 bottles of Minute Maid Pulpy and one packet of Choki Choki chocolate paste and I was like so excited when I saw the Choki Choki. He just laughed and smiled after seeing my reaction. Hahaha. Crazy eh. Then he drove near to the beach and we hang out there. Sat on the grass and just watch the sunset. Mmmm. It was a pleasant Monday as it was. We talked and talked about lots of stuffs as if we never hang out before. I still remembered that one moment where I asked him this, 

Me :  Do you want this choki choki ? It's like I'm the only one eating this stuffs. 
Him : No no no. Go ahead and just ate it then.
Me : Or you want me to give it to you ? You want to feed you ? *Grin*
Him : Hahaha no no. No need.

* I peeled off the upper part of the choki choki and try to feed him *

Him : Eh eh eh no I said no. *Smiled*
Me : Seriously common I'm trying to feed you this.
Him : No I don't want. No need.
Me : Okay okay no need then. I will eat this myself. Hmphhhhhhhh.

* He smiled and laughed and looked at me like I'm a crazy girl *

I teased him real bad. Real real bad. Hahaha. But I don't mind at all. At least there's the memories of stupidity between us. After that one hour of laughter and we just talked and talked, he decided to sent me home. 

Him : Come. Look at the time. It's late already. We go take it slow. Slow slow.
Me : What ? Slow slow ? Whatttt ? *Grin*
Him : Heyyyyyyyy ! Don't think about other stuffs. Urgh.
Me : Hahahahahhaa I didn't even think about negative stuffs okay ? :P

And so we entered his car and went on slow as he had said. We continued to our topic and talked and talked. Upon arriving near the front gate of my house, he parked the car right next to the side. All of a sudden, he pinched my cheek. Aaaaahhhhhhhhh. He laughed and smiled widely. Eeeee. I wanna pinch his cheek in return but he swift away. Damn. I said goodbye to him and just went out of his car. I walked on and just swift the plastic bag containing the remaining choki choki. Hihihi. He drove away and away. 

That night, he text me.

Him : Hey. Missing you already :(
Me : Awwwww I miss you too.

We continued our text till morning. He was in the bus that time goin' all the way to Sri Aman. Pity him. I knew he was damn tired that time. Exhausted. Plus that morning, he went to his friend's house to do this tattoo stuffs. Wanna look at his tattoo ? 

Well here it is :) I told him that the tattoo was damn awesome. Urgh. Crazy.

I miss him already and each day. Even we only knew for about 2 months only, you have been the awesome friend to me, Chie. Quite. I don't know whether we are friend or what now. Hahaha. Whatever it is, I appreciate everything and every moment that we spent together. Sounds sweet and yeah we are currently texting each other now. Plus, we even shared the same hobby of watching the stars at night. A habit in a sense. Hew hew hew. I love this. I love thissssss !

Okay. I end this entry now then. Take care fellow readers and bloggers. Muahhhhhhhh ! 

officially by stemmy stemot :)

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Move on

AUGUST 31st, 2012
1202 HOURS

Hello lovely bloggers and readers. As it is today, on August 31st, it's the Independence Day for all fellow Malaysians. Happy 55th Independence Day to all :) 

Today's entry isn't gonna be about Independence Day in Malaysia but it's kinda the independence day for me to start to move on and never to look back on stuffs that had happened on the previous years. I admit it to myself that this month, this year of 2012 is a tough year indeed for me. On previous posts, I kept posting about Gabier this and that. But frankly, I need to move on despite the feelings that I had were no longer true. I care. Yes I do. But because of those circumstances and problems, I can't bare it any longer. I doubt to myself and I doubt in this stuffs. Before I could get hurt any further and deeply emotional, I should just back off and move on. Yeah that's what I do now. From now on, I am moving on. Moving on from him. From Gabier. Why didn't I realized about it in the first place that I was just an option and just for entertainment and for fun ? I should've just walk away and leave him there. But because of sympathy and care, I stayed. How I hate my habit of being so caring in a sense. How I wish I could delete and remove that kind of habit permanently. 


I need to get it all over now. Tomorrow's the new day. New month. New life for me. No more playing. No more fooling around. All I have to do now is focus on my studies and have fun on the same time. I'm not gonna create any drama with emotional stuffs like what I'm dealing with right now. It's all about feelings and love and whatever it is. 

All I can say now is that I'm moving on and that's it. The previous posts about Gabier, I won't gonna delete 'em 'cause it'll be a lesson taught for me and even guidance for me in the future. Once I had cared too much, I hurt too much. Farewell to the oh so drama world and for my September's wish, all I want is good grades, gonna focus on my studies and live happy yet jolly life. 


officially by stemmy stemot :)

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Meeting for the first time after knowing for 4 years

AUGUST 29th, 2012
1223 HOURS

Hey readers and fellow bloggers :) It's raining here currently at Bintulu. Yeah. Cold and awesome. I woke up early in the morning just because Gabier was goin' to come to Bintulu. Well actually I can't sleep at all last night. I tried my best yeah fuckin' best to sleep and shut my eyes and counting all those sheep. Damn I can't sleep at all like fuck. I didn't even realized at what time did I really slept and when I got up it was like around 5 something. I tossed and turned on my bed like a maniac girl. Thinkin' what might happened next. And so I just woke up and sat at the edge of my bed. I looked at my closet and took out the tee's and jeans and lingerie to be used. After managing all those stuffs, I went down and went to have my bath. Back from having bath, I quickly looked for my cell and saw there's one text from Gabier.


I was like Ahh. I hurried on and grabbed on the keys and drove to the terminal. It took like less than 10 mins 'cause I used the long way. If I did used the shortcut, I should have reached there less than 5 mins. Damn. Upon my arrival there, I sent him a text saying where was he. I just remained in the car and waited for him. In less than 2 mins, he replied my text and he wrote, 

"  Where did you park then ? Come find me and hug me now. Hahaha "

I was like laughing my lungs out. HAHAHAHAHA. He's effing funny. Before I could replied his text back, there I saw this one guy with orange tee's and he smiled at me. My heart uttered, 

" That's him for goodness sake. " 

I smiled back and he came towards the car. As he entered in, he smiled and laughed seeing how big the car that I drove. Hey it's just a Hilux though. Hahaha. Lame. He placed his bag at the back of the seat and I drove on.  He teased me and even tickled me along the journey. I was like  " Will you just stop it ? It tickles a lot. "  Even though I said it that way, he kept on tickling me. Damn. Only God knows how excited I was to finally meet him. I don't know whether he did felt the same. Okay. Back to the story here, we were about to go to the food court to have our breakfast together. After we had finished with that, we went for a bit shopping for he accidentally forget to bring his boxer and even his toothbrush.  And so, we did a bit of shopping stuffs. Finished with all the shopping, he decided to go to the lodge to rest. Back to the lodge, well it's a lodge. Expecting there would be lift but somehow just stairs. We climbed up to the 3rd floor. Oh goodness. Luckily, didn't get tired and so. Even opening the door also, there's that funny incident. Hahahaha. Places nowadays used all modern stuffs like just scan the card if you want to enter the room. The problem was that he thought we have to slide the card in. Hahaha. Instead of just scanning the card, he slide it in. We laughed to that moment upon entering the room. 


We reminisced the moment when we  first knew each other. For 4 years we had known each other and today, August 29th, 2012, we had finally met face to face. He kept on asking for a hug and a hug and several time. 


Finally, because he was too demanding and kept on blabbering, I gave him my hug and  he kissed my cheek. Awwww. That moment when he was about to kiss me again, I quickly closed my face.

Double facepalm. HAHAHAHAHA.

But whatever it was, I had spent for 4 hours just now with him. Only memories. Only words. Only that remained right now. Hard to admit actually 'cause I was nervous to meet him at first and being with him like the first time. From being friends on social network to meeting him in real life. Total difference there. How I miss his hugs and the way he cuddled :'( 

I am somehow still confused on what actually the relationship is between us two. The moment when he said, 

" Before this, you said you don't want. "

And when I asked him back, 

" Don't want what ? Hah ? Whaattttttttt ? " 

He just shook his head and said nothing. Mmmm. Seriously. I didn't said I don't want to. You're the one who said that you wanted to wait for the moment to meet me. Finally meet me face to face and get to know me real well. That's what you said. Don't you remembered all of that ? I was actually trying to tell him exactly that but I just acted as if I was okay and don't know on stuffs like that. Frankly speaking, I just don't know what to feel.

For goodness sake, he is someone's boyfriend. And who am I to him ? Just an option ? Just for fun ? Just for  stuffs like his scandal when he's boring ? At some point, I feel like I am nothing to him. Still, I entertain him and reply to his text whenever he text me. Why do I have this feeling of sympathy ? Seriously, I am sad. Sad to the fact that I am actually playing with my feelings and letting myself being fooled by him. Wake up, stemmie. Please wake up. He is someone else's boyfriend and you're just nothing. I feel like crying my eyes out now. If I could pull out my eye ball, I would just do that now. Effing sad okay ? Sad. Fuck. 

Never did I ever felt the same feeling I felt for him 2 years ago. The love banished and gone after I knew he was in a relationship with this girl on June. Even I had cried my heart out when I get to think of it. It hurts. By crying, somehow it makes me calm. I just wanna cry now. It hurts. Deeply. Real deep. I wonder. Yeah. I wonder if he did felt the same as I did for the past 2 years. Crazy as fuck it is. I keep telling myself that I have to move on. Move on and stop thinking about love.  One day, surely the love would come and when it does, no matter what happen, he/she will remain by your side till death tear us apart. I always talk to God whenever I feel sad and yeah I talk to Him 'cause He's the only one that will listen to every stuffs that I said. 

My guardian angel, you're the only friend that I have that understands me no matter what happen. Even, you are there for me wherever I go. I love you, my guardian angel. I love you, my God. 

Willy Macgyver, you take care of yourself yea :'/ 

I wanna cry myself to sleep now. God bless you my lovely readers. 

officially by stemmy stemot :)

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The Past Hurts

AUGUST 28th, 2012
1022 HOURS

Blessed morning fellow readers and bloggers :) Today I feel quite energized and I don't even know why. Haha. I woke up early for the first time in this month. Don't even had a clue why I did. Sounds quite stupid in a sense. Yeah yeah yeah. Well last night, Gabier suddenly called me while I was still tweet-ing. To my amazement, I never expected he would called. It seems like after I had wrote about him yesterday in this blog, that is the previous post before this post. Hard to believe. Yeah. I can't believe it at first but then to my ego-ness, I did not answered his call. So yeah I'm arrogant on this. I waited and waited for the call to end and just neglected my cell away. About half an hour after that, I decided to sent him a text. Err well even there's the ego in me, I still have that good intention though. Hahahaha. Lame. Back to that occasion again, I sent him a text saying, 

" Hey. Why did ya called just now ? "

Sounds like too harsh and it seems like I was quite busy like hell on the time he called me. Hahaha. Imma mean girl in this. Damn. Then he replied it.

" Just wanna inform you that I'll be goin' there maybe on the night of 28th or 29th, my dear."

I was like urghhhhh okay. Then we text and text up until 11. He even said he can't wait to finally meet me and spent time with me. Sounds like as if we are couple and so on. Blablablablabla. I just followed on with the flow then. I'm just too good in faking stuffs. Shit to that. The fuck. Fuckk. Well yeah I even promised him that I'll be picking him up at the bus terminal. Double fuck ! Ahhhhhhhh. Sighhhhhh. 

I need to chill about this. All I know now is that I just don't love him the way I used to love him before. Even if I have to fake and pretend to be that one girl that he used to know.


I just don't know how will I react when we meet later on. This is bullshit but for the sake of being his so-called friend, I am willing then. A friend. Yeah. Fuck to that word. 

officially by stemmy stemot :)

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A New Head Start

AUGUST 27th, 2012
1516 HOURS

Hey readers and fellow bloggers. It's been awhile since I had last update on this blog of mine. It's gettin' rusty and so. Well, I've been busy with stuffs and stuffs and can't even manage on blogs somehow. But to be frank, I just don't know on what post I wanna post here somehow. At some part, I feel like deleting this blog and never to blog again. But then, when I thought about it all over again, I felt like why should I delete it ? Instead of deleting, why not I just continue on blogging and just do so to spent my time writing on posts and making lots of stories and headlines about stuffs in my life and share about it to people. Well, people do say that by blogging, it seems like you're writing every detail of your life as in writing in a diary. It's just that, here, we just type and type on our laptop or anything that's hi-tech and so on. 


I wonder how does it feel to love again. Somehow at some point, at some part in my life, I just don't feel the love. This boyfriend and girlfriend thingy means nothing to me. I wonder why and I wonder how could I feel such a thing. I had rejected lots of guys since I had been single this 2 years. Well apparently, I am ' single ' though for that 2 years. Hahaha. Sounds a bit weird don't ya think ? I just don't feel the same. Being that one person who loves the other person so deeply as if you don't wanna let go of that person. 

Since the day I broke up with Elekson, things changed a lot. I changed. A lot of things changed. I just don't feel the love anymore. In a sense, what I'm trying to say is that I just don't feel me. If I am about to say that I had made quite a decision to break up with him before, I bet I won't gonna regret saying that. 'Cause after I called it off between us two, seriously that's the first time I feel so relieved. After that 2 years plus of relationship, I never felt so alive. Yeah. Alive. 

Up until now, even though there's trials and problems, I still somehow managed to deal with all of it. And yeah thanks to God, Elekson and I are still friends. We still contact with each other and move on with our life. The feelings ? Mmmmmm yeah you got the message just now right ? We're just friends. 

Last year, I had been falling hard with this one guy. Well, like seriously, I am. Just because we keep in touch a lot and with the callings, the text messages and exchanging photos, yeah we're kinda close. At first, he was the first one who confessed everything about what he feel towards me. I was shocked at the beginning but in the end, we tend to just remain as close friends like bein' intimate in a sense. Day by day, month by month we've been in that kind of situation. You know right how does it feel to be treated so special by a person who loves you too dearly but you're unsure that he/she might just wanna take advantage on you ? Did you ever encounter that ? In this situation, I was on head over heels. He even said that he can't wait to meet me face to face and spent time together and do stuffs together. 

We never did meet in real life and I know right how you guys would react after I said so. It was like I'm building a relationship on a rainbow where there's sunshine and bouncy clouds and love.

And yes, he even said he wanted to propose me to be his fiancee'. I bet my heart is beating up fast right now. I feel like crying. Months by months, we've been contacting and texting. 'Cause that's the only way we can keep in touch. Still. On his birthday, I still remembered I gave him a call 'cause he wanted me to sing for him the birthday song. Yes. I did called him and I sang to him the birthday song. Both of us laughed out hard because of our foolishness. Sighhhhhh. But things changed when it comes to the month of 2012. Yeah 2012. I had finally stick to what he had said and held onto those promises that he had made to me. Unfortunately, I got to know that he's in a relationship with this one girl that obviously I don't know for sure by accidentally while I was stalking on his profile. 

Frustration ? Mad ? Confuse ? Hurt ? Sad ? 

I myself can't even described how I really feel that time. No wonder before the end of May, we never even talked or text or call at all. It was definitely not good for me. 'Cause by that time, it was on July. They started their relationship on June. Well yeah I was a month late in knowing the news. Re-read on all the texts that I had sent to him between those months, really did made me felt so down at that moment. All those feelings just mixed in and blend it all with those tears that I had cried every single night when I get to think of it. It hurts. Even after a year I had been struggling to make sure and I was sure enough that I had met my man. Fuck to that fact. Since then, I never contact him anymore. Neither text nor call. I quit doing that 'cause I know I am no longer the one that he'll be calling his fiancee'. 

This month. Month of August. In the middle of August, he text me. Unexpectedly. Shocked and confused as I am on that moment. With no sense of hatred, I replied it with gracefully. Text by text comin'. As a conclusion to that text, he was telling me that he wanted to come over to my hometown and meet me if I have the chance to go out. And I was like " Is this guy fuckin' or what ? " I was trying to convince myself that he is just trying to seek for attention. For sure, if a guy who is in a relationship starts to look for other girls, definitely there's a huge fight happening between those couple. And so, I just follow with the flow. In between those text, I keep reminding him about his girlfriend. The moment I started the topic of his girl, he started to fuss about it. He said, " I don't care about her. She cheats on me. If she can cheat and so can I. " Damn you, man. 

If you know that she cheats on you, then why on earth you are still with her, jackass ?! 

Just because I was a good girl that time and don't want to create a war, I just answered him, " Even though she cheats on you, still you love her right ? " I hit him hard this time. Then he just replied by typing, " Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh "

I knew how he had reacted upon reading those text that I had sent to him. Seriously, I just gave up on what that had happened between the two of us. I just can't bare on with the stuffs that had happened. All those stuffs, the heartbreaks, I felt so urgh. If I could just delete all of my feeling and move on. 

Click the photo above to enlarge it.

That's what I had posted on my facebook after what had happened between us. I just didn't stated his name. I knew he would eventually knew about it. He knew I always posted on stuffs, about my feelings in that social network. In a sense, I love writing in words to describe how I exactly feel. Bad habit. 

To be exact, the day after tomorrow, that is on Aug 29th, he'll be coming here. Yeah. Here. For 3 days. Then, he'll be off to Kuching again. 

It's not like I am actually counting on the days that he'll be arriving here and so on. Mmmm apparently I just did. Sighhhh. For whatever happen, I pray for your happiness with whoever your future wife is. I bet you'll find that truly someone one day and get to know her well. 

Yours truly, Stemarlia B. ツ

P/S Take care wherever you are, Willy Macgyver.

officiallly by stemmy stemot :)

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MARCH 7th, 2012
1426 HOURS

heyya readers ;) day by day, i am really keen enough to update my blog. i don't even know why but maybe i am having too much free time nowadays. sigh. i am more on typing a long long long but sometimes short posts on my blog rather than add in on images. there'll be the time i'll post lots of photos then. okay now. back to what i wanna blog on. but wait. what am i goin' to post about today ?

seriously i don't know. what more can i say ?

okay then. back to the day of Sunday. forgot on posting about that day. on the afternoon, i was laying on comfy on my bed when suddenly my phone vibrates. i wonder who's that and i thought that was Haziq.

Haziq was one of my junior way back at SMK Bandar. well a year younger than me.

and so, i looked on my phone. i saw Elekson's name vibrating non stop on the screen of my phone. why suddenly he called of all a sudden ? i doubt. but then i just answered the call.

him : where are you ?
me : errrrr why you asked ?
him : i wanna go to your house now.
me : WHATTT ??! for what ?
him : i am boring now. just now, i went out with my brother's wife. but then, they left me off. common. we go out just for a while.

seriously i was quite blur that time.

me : you mean now huh ?
him : yeah now. i am on my way to your house now.
me : but my mummy's here.
him : as if i care. i parked right in front of your house later.
me : fuck ! no. hell no. don't you dare.
him : i will okay ? faster ! i'll be on my way now. quick !
me : -.-" huh okayyy.

i put on my jeans and tie up my hair. i went downstairs and looked for mummy. i knew she won't allowed me goin' out in all of a sudden like this but i just brave on asked her. unfortunately, yeah she didn't allowed me goin' out. instead, she gave a long long long long lecture and i was like -.-"
Elekson kept on calling and calling. i decided to sent him just texts.

me : sorry but mummy don't allowed me to go out.
him : just say to her that you're goin' out with me. just as effing easy as that.
me : still she don't want. as if you don't know how my situation is.
him : before this, you said you can go out with me. now, vice versa.
me : back then was way different. you were my boyfriend and i am your girl. but now is way different already.
him : yea right. nevermind then if you don't want. i'm goin' then.
me : and again, i am so sorry :'(
him : it's okay.

that's a bit from the conversation we had. still lots of it but no can do i typed it all right ? privacy still.

sigh sigh sigh.
yeah i know. i still keep in touch with my ex. most of them. but still it is sad to not goin' out with him :'( plus, i'm not that new in this not-going-out thingy. used to it since before. what more can i say. i am the only girl in this family besides my mum. patience on. i don't blame her 'cause that's her responsibility too and because of that my siblings and i never intend on goin; out regularly. not the type of goin' out everyday.

still, Elekson and me had promised on goin' out together again. well he did and i did. so, that means both of us right ? effing much. crazy but then, i am okay with it. someday we will go out again.

officially by stemmy stemot :)

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precious things becoming not precious

MARCH 6th, 2012
0032 HOURS

and again, done deleting those old posts of old memories. still.
life goes on. don't strangle on to the past. it brings nothing but failure. i brave myself on to this
smile stemmie smile.
God bless you and God bless all.

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February 2012

FEBRUARY 1st, 2012
1335 HOURS

ah yes. it's the first day in the month of February. great day ay ? i woke up early this morning at 9am. oh well that's quite early for me since i am on semester break now. bahahaha ;D
it's been a while this blog become rusty with all the memories, dark and bright memories. even my grammar and vocabulary now are all rusty. danggggggggg !
no worries on that. at least i still can wrote in English. back to what i am today.

yeah yeah i know my smile is gettin' slanting than ever but ah my eyes, my eyebags seem visible again. it's been a while i don't have my eyebags since the day i entered University. been a good girl lately.
gahhh shit !

my hair ain't fluffy but it's wavy and i'm lovin' it.
actually i don't even had a clue to type about what but still my hand eagerly typing.
my lappy is gettin' flat without battery.
awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ;D

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JANUARY 12, 2012
1243 HOURS

heyyyyy it's been a while since i last updated this blog of mine. oh my gosh. 2012 already. how time flies so fast and get to think of it, i'm entering my adulthood now :') almost on reaching 20 now. never thought it would be this fast.

old posts old memories managed to delete them all just now.
just so you know, mostly what that i had gone through for the past 3 years were all in black and white here on blog. so i was thinking just now, why tend of keeping it here when you just can delete it all and don't think of it anymore ?
and so i delete all of the past and past posts.
smiles and tears and heartbreaks were all just the past times. nothing gives me the courage to live on rather than reading those old posts.

well, back to what is present today :)
later at 1630, my friends and I, all 9 of us will be off to KL. goin' round round and just spending time together with all of us Borneo-ians. just like one whole big group of friends goin' out together. can't wait for that. then on the 14th, will be off to Miri.
sound as if like i'm travelling like a working adult :P as if. well, in the future, it might be happening to me.

anyways, that's all that i can post for now. don't know what to think of actually.
thanks for reading and God bless ya !

officiallly by stemmy stemot :)

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