sick day till i'm gonna die

yeah, i'm sick now. but still i can go online. am just so stupid. erghh. this week is a bad week for me. i'm getting sick and it gets worst and worst everyday. this morning, i went to the clinic at where my mom were working at that is at the polyclinic. i know, that clinic is just for babies and women who are pregnant but i have no choice. my mom insisted i went for scanning and so, i did. Doctor Endang Susilawati was the one that did the scan on my stomach. she said she want to check my kidney. for both side. at first, she checked my left kidney. as i saw on the scan screen, i saw no difference but once she called my mom, i knew it won't be a good news. she told my mom that there is something growing at my left kidney. it didn't even reach up to 1 cm. the doctor told that, it is not that serious. but my mom said that i should undergone operation to cut that thingy on my left kidney. when i heard that, i was clueless. i can't said a thing. i don't want any operation. i don't want some doctors and nurses at the hospital to operate my body. no, i don't want to.

i tried to be strong and pray for the best.
hoping that my health won't get worst than ever.
hoping that i will heal soon.

just now, after my mom came back from work, she told me that, i should undergone operation to cut that growing thingy. i became numb. she kept saying that, the operation is a must. and i will be operate when i go back to Bintulu at this Hari Raya holiday on the month of September. hopefully i have been cured at that time. no operating table for me. i don't want it. and again, she told me, from now onwards, i have to drink lots of plain water. ONLY PLAIN WATER. no other drinks. that means no MILO, no COLA, no NOTHING. i just heard with what she said with patience. i never thought this disease that i suffered would be giving me the burden so much.

i will try and i will pray for the healing of my sickness.

and peeps, this will be my last post for this year.
i'm sorry :(

thanks for reading :)

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MAY 7th, 2010
1350 hours

first of all, i want to thank Sis Ddy for the tagging. frankly speaking i never been tag before on this blog thingy and yeah, this is my first time. thanks again to Sis Ddy.

[ sound as if wanna make a speech up there. HAHA :D ]

okay okay. let's answer the questions shall we :)

Apa yang anda akan buat bila anda tahu member anda tikam belakang anda?

What will u do if u know that your friend has been back stab on u ?
:: erghhhhh. gonna go confront them and punch them in the face. not gonna give any discount on that.

6 orang di hati anda?
6 people in your heart?
:: my parents and that equals two of them, my brother ( souven jawa ) , my lil bro ( leo ) , mr elekson and God :)

Anda rasa anda comel?
Do u think u're cute?
:: oh my. i don't think so that i am but i got compliments also about that. HAHA. why don't ya ask for others opinion then :D

Single or taken?
:: i'm taken already baybeyhh by Mr Elekson Tadong. hihi :D

Blog yang anda suka?
Blog that u like?
:: i've got tons of them. can't list 'em all though. once the headlines title attracts me, then i will read it. no matter from who the author is. i love what i'll love. from gossips to sad stories that people post at their blog.

adakah bilik anda kemas setiap hari?
Do u clean your room everyday?
:: errrr. naaaa. not everyday. but only on weekends. i'm a lazy person. [ THAT'S THE TRUTH ]

Lagu terakhir yang anda dengar?
The last song u listening?
:: Last Train Home by Lostprophets.

Last text message?
:: from Neelwana. she's saying that she's at Labuan now. telling every experience that she had there. hihi.

Last phone call?
:: from Elliecia. that is this morning. she asked me to go hanging out at Medan Jaya but i rejected. just because, i was at the clinic at that hour. i'm sick though :) but yeahhh still i can smile.

Hari terakhir anda menangis?
Last day u cried?
:: the day before yesterday that is on Wednesday. i cried because of Mr Elekson. he said such a mean mean mean words till i cried right in front of my mom. luckily, i managed to shed it away before she started realizing about it :')

List lima color favorite anda?
List down 5 of your favorite colours?
:: black, blue, red, purple and orange.

Orang terakhir anda ber-YM?
The last people chat with u in YM?
:: with this Singaporean guy. [ hot guy :) hardly to admit it. but from the webcam, he is hot ;) ] have to keep his identity hidden. he don't want nobody to know his looks are awesome. HAHA.

Game paling anda suka?
Your favorite game?
:: Red Alert 2 [ with cheat codes ] oh yeahhh.

Adakah anda peminat MCR?
Are u a fan of MCR?
:: yeahh. that was back then. now i seldom listen to their songs. not even once.

Apa perasaan anda jawab tag ni?
What do u feel when u answering this tag?
:: i feel NOTHING. haha. naaaa. it is quite a fun questions. kinda give the boost at this boring day.

Anda rasa tag ini best?
Do u think this tag interesting?
:: naaaaa. no comment on that :)

Tag lagi 10 orang
tag 10 other people
:: yeahh. i'll tag y'all :)


i'm just tagging though. do answer the questions eyy :)
thanks for reading :)

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i want to talk briefly about yesterday. forget to post it though.
yesterday May 3rd, after that sick day of mine, at 1330 hours i had to go to take my JPJ test.
well, even the teacher told me to come at 1330 hours but we all started at about 1515 hours.
a long day to pass the JPJ test.
and yeahh..
i pass :)
can't wait to take my license card this Thursday.
hopefully on that day.
but if it is next week, how i feel the disgrace not to drive when i'm at Labuan later.
really can't wait for that license card.
after i got it, then i am officially a driver.
a ' P ' driver.

thanks for reading :)

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6ixth sense - Dari Hati

Oh Tuhan
Tolonglah diriku
Aku sungguh menginginkan dia
Tuk mencintaiku
Dan mendampingiku
Di dalam hidupku ini

Oh Tuhan
Bukalah hatinya
Untuk melupakan kesalahanku
Yang tlah menjadi duri
Di dalam hatinya
Dan melukai hatinya

Dekap aku
Yang melukaimu
Aku ingin
Engkau tahu
Aku slalu cinta padamu

Aku tlah menyesalinya

Back to *, Reff:

thanks for reading :)

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Sofaz - Hingga Hujung Pernafasan Langitku

Inilah impian hidupku
Dan inilah mahunya hatiku
Tercipta satu rasa ini untuk ku memilikimu
Ku tahu diriku sukar untuk menyatakan semuanya
Ku tahu hatiku selalunya ada untuk dirimu

Hatiku ini hanya untuk mu
Cintaku ini milikmu untuk selamanya
Lamaranku tulus bersamamu
Kan ku temanimu hingga hujung pernafasan di langitku

Jiwaku tak pernahkan tenang
Bila kau jauh disampingku
Ku tahu hatiku selalunya ada untuk dirimu

Hatiku ini hanya untuk mu
Cintaku ini milikmu untuk selamanya
Lamaranku tulus bersamamu
Kan ku temanimu hingga hujung pernafasan di langitku

Inilah impian hidupku...
Hatiku ini hanya untukmu
Cintaku ini milikmu untuk selamanya

Ooo ooo oooooo

Hatiku ini hanya untukmu
Cintaku ini milikmu untuk selamanya
Lamaranku tulus bersamamu
Kan ku temanimu hingga hujung pernafasan di langitku
Di langitku...
Hingga hujung...

thanks for reading :)

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Sofaz - Di Waktu Hidupku

Lemah hatiku melangkah
Meninggalkan dirimu:’
Jauh dari semua yg terindah
Ku pejamkan mata ku tuk
menerima semuanya
Wlau hatiku tak pernah tuk mengerti
Berat lagi lu cuba tuk melupakan
Dirimu hatimu bayangmu:’
Waktu dah pun menungguku
Tuk meninggalkannmu
Untukku meninggalkanmu
Untuk kau melupakanku
Tanganku lepaskan dirimu
Untuk hidup yang baru..
Jauh ku kan mencintaimu
Di setiap waktu tak ku lupakanmu
Jauh ku kan menyanjungmu
Ku kan meninggimu di waktu hidupku

Ahh.. selalu merindumu
Wohh biarpun kau jauh
Hati takkan pernah ada
Untuk mencinta dirimu
*Ulang korus*

reblog from HERE

thanks for reading :)

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tired DAY

MAY 3th, 2010
2202 hours

it's been a long day since i last updated this blog of mine. well, tired of all the occasion and event that had been held recently. totally tired much till i fall sick this morning. errghhhh. woke up at exactly 0530 hours. geez. couldn't bare the pain that had really struck me inside. the pain that i suffered came from my left stomach. what a weird diseases that i suffered. what makes me even uncomfortable is that as if something or somewhat is eating my intestine. either the large or small intestine. and what makes it more serious, i can't even walked up straight and even think rationally. the STUFF was kicking and boxing at my left stomach. i went downstairs to search for a place to vomit. yeahh, i vomit a lot this morning. everything that i consumed from the bitter medicine to the milo that i drank. all came out. erghhh. my mum started worried about me. till every medicine she gave me. all of it i ate to ease away the pain i'm having and frankly speaking, it was totally a disaster and awful morning for me. i tried and tried to be strong. to stand up and fight the pain. at that very moment, all that i thought was

" rather than suffering from this pain, better for me to just die. "

the word DIE is always used at that very hour. oh goodness gracious. how i cried to bear those pain in the stomach. i never encounter this kind of thingy. really serious. too serious. over serious. at that very hour, mummy kept saying HOW PALE MY FACE LOOK. yeah, i know that. i was sweating and my body was cold. but i didn't shivered at all. after hours of suffering, mummy gave me this type of bitter medicine. black syrup. something like that and she told me that the medicine is U.T.I that stands for Urine Track Infection. i drank it with the bitterness in my mouth and down to my esophagus. i lay down at the living room and mummy told me to get a lot of rest. at 0915 hours, the pain was getting lesser and lesser. at last, i fall asleep. at 1045 hours, i got up. the pain was gone. i felt quite relieved. at that exact moment also, the phone rang. i quickly stood up and head towards the ringing phone. it was mummy.

mummy :: how are you now? feeling okay already?
me :: yeah. i'm okay now.
mummy :: that's why i told you before, NOT TO GO ON A DIET. now you see what's happening. you're lack of water.
me :: yeah yeah. i know that.
mummy :: go and take your bath. after that, you MUST eat. don't go on a diet anymore.
me :: okay then.

*hang up.

yaaaa. i know what you're thinking right now. DIET. before this, yes i did plan to diet. but i didn't know that it would be this serious. just because of my body is lack of water, that's what happened to me. agerrrr. stupid thingy. stupid stomach. LEFT STOMACH. erghhhh.

but now, i am healthy. yes i am. after this, i won't go on a diet anymore. i don't care if i'm fat and chubby and big size. well, my boyfriend always call i'm chubby. geez. how i hate it everytime he said that but i don't care. i still love him though :)


thanks for reading :)

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