Meeting for the first time after knowing for 4 years

AUGUST 29th, 2012
1223 HOURS

Hey readers and fellow bloggers :) It's raining here currently at Bintulu. Yeah. Cold and awesome. I woke up early in the morning just because Gabier was goin' to come to Bintulu. Well actually I can't sleep at all last night. I tried my best yeah fuckin' best to sleep and shut my eyes and counting all those sheep. Damn I can't sleep at all like fuck. I didn't even realized at what time did I really slept and when I got up it was like around 5 something. I tossed and turned on my bed like a maniac girl. Thinkin' what might happened next. And so I just woke up and sat at the edge of my bed. I looked at my closet and took out the tee's and jeans and lingerie to be used. After managing all those stuffs, I went down and went to have my bath. Back from having bath, I quickly looked for my cell and saw there's one text from Gabier.


I was like Ahh. I hurried on and grabbed on the keys and drove to the terminal. It took like less than 10 mins 'cause I used the long way. If I did used the shortcut, I should have reached there less than 5 mins. Damn. Upon my arrival there, I sent him a text saying where was he. I just remained in the car and waited for him. In less than 2 mins, he replied my text and he wrote, 

"  Where did you park then ? Come find me and hug me now. Hahaha "

I was like laughing my lungs out. HAHAHAHAHA. He's effing funny. Before I could replied his text back, there I saw this one guy with orange tee's and he smiled at me. My heart uttered, 

" That's him for goodness sake. " 

I smiled back and he came towards the car. As he entered in, he smiled and laughed seeing how big the car that I drove. Hey it's just a Hilux though. Hahaha. Lame. He placed his bag at the back of the seat and I drove on.  He teased me and even tickled me along the journey. I was like  " Will you just stop it ? It tickles a lot. "  Even though I said it that way, he kept on tickling me. Damn. Only God knows how excited I was to finally meet him. I don't know whether he did felt the same. Okay. Back to the story here, we were about to go to the food court to have our breakfast together. After we had finished with that, we went for a bit shopping for he accidentally forget to bring his boxer and even his toothbrush.  And so, we did a bit of shopping stuffs. Finished with all the shopping, he decided to go to the lodge to rest. Back to the lodge, well it's a lodge. Expecting there would be lift but somehow just stairs. We climbed up to the 3rd floor. Oh goodness. Luckily, didn't get tired and so. Even opening the door also, there's that funny incident. Hahahaha. Places nowadays used all modern stuffs like just scan the card if you want to enter the room. The problem was that he thought we have to slide the card in. Hahaha. Instead of just scanning the card, he slide it in. We laughed to that moment upon entering the room. 


We reminisced the moment when we  first knew each other. For 4 years we had known each other and today, August 29th, 2012, we had finally met face to face. He kept on asking for a hug and a hug and several time. 


Finally, because he was too demanding and kept on blabbering, I gave him my hug and  he kissed my cheek. Awwww. That moment when he was about to kiss me again, I quickly closed my face.

Double facepalm. HAHAHAHAHA.

But whatever it was, I had spent for 4 hours just now with him. Only memories. Only words. Only that remained right now. Hard to admit actually 'cause I was nervous to meet him at first and being with him like the first time. From being friends on social network to meeting him in real life. Total difference there. How I miss his hugs and the way he cuddled :'( 

I am somehow still confused on what actually the relationship is between us two. The moment when he said, 

" Before this, you said you don't want. "

And when I asked him back, 

" Don't want what ? Hah ? Whaattttttttt ? " 

He just shook his head and said nothing. Mmmm. Seriously. I didn't said I don't want to. You're the one who said that you wanted to wait for the moment to meet me. Finally meet me face to face and get to know me real well. That's what you said. Don't you remembered all of that ? I was actually trying to tell him exactly that but I just acted as if I was okay and don't know on stuffs like that. Frankly speaking, I just don't know what to feel.

For goodness sake, he is someone's boyfriend. And who am I to him ? Just an option ? Just for fun ? Just for  stuffs like his scandal when he's boring ? At some point, I feel like I am nothing to him. Still, I entertain him and reply to his text whenever he text me. Why do I have this feeling of sympathy ? Seriously, I am sad. Sad to the fact that I am actually playing with my feelings and letting myself being fooled by him. Wake up, stemmie. Please wake up. He is someone else's boyfriend and you're just nothing. I feel like crying my eyes out now. If I could pull out my eye ball, I would just do that now. Effing sad okay ? Sad. Fuck. 

Never did I ever felt the same feeling I felt for him 2 years ago. The love banished and gone after I knew he was in a relationship with this girl on June. Even I had cried my heart out when I get to think of it. It hurts. By crying, somehow it makes me calm. I just wanna cry now. It hurts. Deeply. Real deep. I wonder. Yeah. I wonder if he did felt the same as I did for the past 2 years. Crazy as fuck it is. I keep telling myself that I have to move on. Move on and stop thinking about love.  One day, surely the love would come and when it does, no matter what happen, he/she will remain by your side till death tear us apart. I always talk to God whenever I feel sad and yeah I talk to Him 'cause He's the only one that will listen to every stuffs that I said. 

My guardian angel, you're the only friend that I have that understands me no matter what happen. Even, you are there for me wherever I go. I love you, my guardian angel. I love you, my God. 

Willy Macgyver, you take care of yourself yea :'/ 

I wanna cry myself to sleep now. God bless you my lovely readers. 

officially by stemmy stemot :)

thanks for reading :)

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